Personal Origins and Global Context

• Speaker's motivation rooted in two traumatic events:
  • 1977 Houston high school shooting: boy killed another over "stolen girlfriend" in front of 100 students
  • 1979 college gang rape: 5 men forced woman to have sex, no investigation or charges filed
• Led to career working with violence survivors globally
• Easier to work internationally than address US domestic violence
• Central throughline identified: manhood as root cause

Statistical Reality of Male Violence

• 800,000+ gun suicide deaths in US since 1977 shooting, vast majority men
• 600,000+ homicide deaths in US, vast majority perpetrated by men
• 1 in 3 women worldwide experience violence from male partner
• Violence is "overwhelmingly male"
• Biology accounts for small portion, majority due to how boys are raised
• Research across multiple countries: 2/3 of men experienced physical violence from another male during childhood
• Cannot reach adult manhood without experiencing, witnessing, learning male violence

Research Findings on Masculine Norms

• Equimundo organization conducts global research with UN, governments, local partners
• 10-12 years of data collection on masculine attitudes
• 40-50% of men worldwide believe in toxic masculinity version:
  • Must outperform others at all costs
  • Cannot show vulnerability or ask for help
  • Sex is conquest, not intimacy/connection
  • Must appear tough constantly
  • Violence is reasonable way to get what you want
• Strong correlation: higher belief in these norms = multiple times more likely to:
  • Consider suicide
  • Use violence against others
  • Harm self and others in multiple ways

Male Health and Mortality Crisis

• Men die 6 years earlier than women in US (similar globally)
• Partly biological (female body is "better model")
• Majority due to male lifestyle choices:
  • Drinking, smoking, driving behaviors
  • Risk-taking, drug use
  • How men "literally live as men"
• Intersects with racism, poverty, geography
• "Literally dying of manhood"
• Women pick up pieces when men die early (care, households, countries)

Youth Engagement and Online Influence

• Speaker's daughter (12-13) requested school talk about "lost" boys vs empowered girls
• Student response: boy worried about dying after learning statistics
• Young men having masculinity conversations online
• 40-50% of young US men trust negative/misogynist online influencers
• Seeking guidance while lost, struggling, confused
• 50% of US men think about suicide frequently
• 2/3 of young men report "no one really knows me" (loneliness crisis)
• Without intervention, will continue finding solace with harmful online voices

Racial Disparities and Intersectionality

• Young men of color face more acute challenges:
  • Job uncertainties
  • Educational barriers
  • Systemic racism
• Washington DC training participant's analogy: toxic masculinity like "flu for white guys, pneumonia for Black guys"
• Need for compassionate approach recognizing different impacts

The Care Solution

• Central theme: need to discuss care of/for boys and men
• Toxic masculinity creates "thick shell" around emotions
• Most common young male phrase: "I don't care"
  • Acts as perfect shield against shame, questioning, hurt, embarrassment
  • Speaker used phrase thousands of times as teen and adult
• Need conversation about how men care, not just mortality statistics

Human Capacity for Care

• Humans are "most wired-to-care species on planet"
• Neurological and hormonal systems designed for care, nurturing, love, attachment
• Not automatic - requires practice and learning
• If unused/closed off, capacity diminishes
• With practice, even most disconnected men can learn caring

Systemic Response to Male Harm

• Current responses to male violence often isolate further:
  • Youth: time-outs/detention
  • Adults: firing/termination
• While sometimes necessary to reduce harm, cuts men off from needed connection and humanity
• Not advocating "free walk" for harmful behavior
• Must "call out" harm with deep compassion AND "call in" to connected, caring humanity

Integration with Gender Equality

• This work is "and" conversation, not "instead of"
• Must continue journey toward full equality, respect, rights for all women and girls
• Believes pulling men into care creates allies for gender equality
• Both efforts necessary and complementary

Vision for Future

• 3-year-old boys not born angry, aggressive, or drawn to dark internet content
• Born ready to be loved and learn how to love
• Daily message needed: "I care"
• Fundamental transformation of how society raises boys