Fake Apology Bit & Sponsors

• Opened with elaborate fake apology claiming they messed up assuming audience wasn't broke
• Said they were putting content behind paywall, charging members double
• Revealed it was parody of Try Guys apology + Watcher moving to paid platform
• Sponsored by Shopify (e-commerce platform) and Gamer Subs (energy drinks)
  • Gamer Subs: sugar-free, electrolytes, vitamins, new flavors Raw Meat & Sakura Splash
  • Code H3 for 10% off at gamersubs.gg
  • Shopify: 36% better conversion rates, $1/month trial at shopify.com/dark

German Cutting Game Introduction

• Based on viral clip from German show "Schllo and Hensler"
• Contestants cut objects in half, weigh on atomic scale to get closest to equal halves
• Ian clarified show isn't exclusively about cutting - just one mini game segment
• Set up bracket tournament with crew members

Food & Guests

• Brother Bob brought Middle Eastern food (lamb, steak) from his food truck
• Popup event May 11th in Eagle Rock, California
• Brought Shawarma Machine costume (friend Zack inside)
• Ethan praised quality of food, especially garlic sauce

Teddy Fresh Update

• New collection drop featuring various items:
  • "Good Apple" shirt, fleece sets, plaid shorts, fuzzy knit tops
  • 3D bow sweater with removable bow secured by snaps
  • Bowler bag, chain necklaces with tiny T&F charms
  • Vintage-inspired jacket in cotton dry filling fabric
• Cosmetics line still delayed due to trademark naming issues
  • Been working on formula for nearly a year, made in Los Angeles
  • Even ridiculous names like "big fart stinky poop cosmetics" already taken

The Rock Exposé

• Reports of Rock being 8 hours late to sets, adding $200M+ to production costs
• Would do 3-hour workouts while crew waited
• Refused to work more than 5 hours per day
• Most shocking: pees in Voss water bottles, makes PAs dispose of them
• Rock's own video evidence showing pee bottle during workout, claiming no bathroom at gym
• Ethan called out obvious lie - no commercial gym lacks bathrooms
• Rock rich enough to install bathroom anywhere he wants

Barbara Streisand/Melissa McCarthy

• Barbara accidentally asked Melissa publicly if she was on Ozempic
• Melissa's classy response: "Barbara Streisand knows I exist, she reached out, I win the day"
• Ethan's mom called to apologize for her "friend" Barbara's behavior

Gabe Vegas Recovery

• Called in still recovering from 25th birthday Vegas trip
• Had 15 tequila shots, still feeling effects a week later
• Lost $10 gambling on slot machines
• No buffets available at Red Rock hotel

Perfect Slice Tournament Results

Round 1:

• Ethan vs Olivia (bell peppers): Ethan won with 0.3g difference vs Olivia's 18.1g
• Love vs Lena (sweet potato): Lena won 17.1g vs 29.2g difference
• Zach vs AB (baby Crocs): Zach won 5.9g vs 6.0g difference (0.1g margin)
• Dan vs Ela (soft pretzel): Ela won 2.3g vs 5.1g difference

Semifinals:

• Ethan vs Lena (diaper): Ethan won 3.1g vs 6.8g difference despite cutting finger
• Zach vs Ela (frozen pizza): Ela won ~18.7g vs 29.2g difference

Finals (Best of 3):

• Round 1 (banana): Ela won 11.6g vs much larger difference for Ethan
• Round 2 (chalupa): Ela won 7.7g vs larger difference for Ethan
• Ela declared champion

Tournament Details

• Ethan cut finger during diaper round, required bandaging
• Scales had issues with very light items (Cheetos too light to register)
• Frozen pizza pieces kept gaining weight due to melting/temperature changes
• Safety equipment (gloves) provided but not always used
• Overhead cameras captured cutting action

Grimes Coachella Disaster

• Entered on mechanical spider eating grapes at Sahara tent April 13th
• Equipment malfunctioned during second half of set
• All tracks playing at double speed, couldn't sync BPMs properly
• Blamed tech crew: "It's not my fault... well partially my fault"
• Called out "Kevin" specifically for screwing her over
• Admitted to outsourcing essential setup (record box, BPMs, SD card organization)
• Promised second weekend would be "most rehearsed Grimes set ever"
• Second weekend went better, incorporated first week's failure into performance

JoJo Siwa Gay Pop Controversy

• Claimed to have created new genre called "gay pop"
• Referenced existing songs by Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus as examples
• Later clarified she's not inventor but wants to be "CEO" or "CMO" of gay pop
• Song "Karma" controversy: bought rights to unreleased Brit Smith track from 2012
• Original artist's version went viral after JoJo's release, outperformed JoJo on charts
• Beef with Lil Tay after liking/unliking shady tweets
• Lil Tay called her "Madonna from Dollar Tree"

Vanderpump Rules Interaction

• Kristen, Jax, and Katie all commented on Lena's Instagram reel about the show
• Kristen asked where crew was from (Dearborn), discovered shared Michigan connection
• Jax agreed with assessment that show isn't same without fired cast members
• Invitation extended for Schwartz to host finale viewing at Schwartz & Sandy's

Miscellaneous Topics

• Discussion of elderly sexuality sparked by Cher (77) dating younger men (36)
• 40% of people 65-80 are sexually active according to statistics
• Throuples discussion - Ethan maintains they always end badly, shared story of boss whose throuple ended in death
• Steve Will Do It vs 6ix9ine drama mentioned but not fully covered
• Various member donations and birthday shoutouts throughout show